Retrospection

I've been missing in action, for the past 3 weeks.  Completely turned inward and tuned out everyone around.  Some would call it depression, the blues, not right in the head.  All honesty, I just needed time to reflect, mourn the loses I've endured, and straighten my crooked crown and get back up.

Let's face it.  The way I've dealt with blow after blow this time around.  I am so utterly proud of myself.  I didn't need validation from anyone, didn't need someone to hold my hand and guide me through, definitely didn't need someone to keep my bed warm. 

What I did need was, peace, serenity and pure calmness that can only be found from reaching inside and facing  each failure as a lesson, a blessing.  To accept nothing lasts forever.  The job is gone...I found a better one... friends are gone, I found peace.  the relationship I wanted didn't go as planned...however I have three consistent men vying for my attention ( not sure when that happened) somewhere between when I was born and now.  The guys who I've dated years ago and never went anywhere.  How can I be each one's what if? Top shelf? Love of their life?   

As my life is changing fast, so are my wants and needs. Each one of these men, I hold a very special place in my heart, as much as I would love to hang on to their friendship.  I know they have ulterior motives.  That isn't in my cards. I must say goodbye to each of them, so I can make room for the one who is supposed to be there. Even if I have not met him yet. 

As I sit on my bed, laptop on a pillow in front of me, I look around I am truly blessed. 

My suitcase is packed, I'm ready for my solo adventures, you never know where or who you will meet along the way.  I wonder who I'll sit beside on the air plane. As the days get closer to my departure, I am excited to see family I haven't seen in two years, all because I was consumed with work and making a name for myself. 

See this is where it gets good, while I was busy proving my worth, my name was brought up in rooms I never imagined.  Don't for a second think, your hard work and perseverance doesn't matter...someone is always watching and taking notes..Mark Twain said it best..... "Continued consistency, is better than delayed perfection"  let that sink in a bit. 

The past 3 weeks, I have thrown myself into learning a new language.  I have a ways to go, however I have started, I've been consistent.  Everyday I am getting better.   When you find something you enjoy do it.  By the time I am ready to leave for France, I will be speaking fluent french...oui oui. For now I plan on annoying my family with my miss pronounced words and messy sentences.  They probably don't have a clue what I'm saying...you fake it, till you make it.   I'm making it more and more everyday.  I fall in love everyday with "something" new.  Keeping the dream alive, one day at a time.