Lessons+empathy=Life's honour roll
So charming and charismatic.
We hit it off right away. Our conversation just flowed.
He was tall, dark hair and the dreamiest eyes I have ever laid my eyes upon.
I was in school at the time we were "getting to know" each other. I would stop by after school, we would chat have something to eat, then I had to get going, my school load was ridiculous.
He was so charming and always had me staying later than what we planned. He worked the opposite hours then I did, so it made it hard to see each other.
I don't fall for guys quick. I like to get to know them. I was instantly attracted to his intelligence. His love for documentaries and politics had me swooning. I was love struck.
I would go out with my friends, and he was always right there to pick us up and take us home. A true gentleman. Things were going so good.
Then, he came clean...he was in an open relationship. I was devastated. (I never told him that) I ended things right away.
I'm nobody's side piece. We kept in contact here and there over the next year. He asked to see me, and I agreed.
This time he was completely single. We picked up where we left off. In the time we weren't talking, he got someone pregnant. Yet another roadblock.
We went our separate ways yet again. Only to cross paths a few years later. His baby girl was three. The most beautiful toddler, and she had his eyes. We both knew third times the charm. There was always something that kept us coming back together, and it was time we tried us.
I was madly in love with this man. Things were going great, the chemistry, the affection... he loved my kids. I knew I was going to marry him.
Marry him I did. We had a beautiful wedding, with close friends and family.
Our marriage did not stand the tests of time nor did it withstand any type of hardship...I loved this man with every ounce of my being. It wasn't enough. I wasn't enough. I always thought love
could power through anything. Was this love? No, love doesn't hurt you, love doesn't laugh at your mistakes, loves doesn't throw things in your face.
Love protects you, love keeps you safe, love forgives you, love heals you.
I can say wholeheartedly, his love for me was not reciprocated.
Was this my Karma for leaving a loveless marriage years before?
Was this to teach me a lesson, to feel the pain I caused my first husband?
I do believe it was. How else can you correct something, if you don't go through it.
You have to make mistakes in order to learn and grow. Life does not come with a guide book. You have to live and learn. That is exactly what I did. I lived and learned. I had to feel, let go and move on.
It is probably one of the hardest things to do. To stop loving someone, not because they hurt you. Rather because you are hurting yourself by loving something that isn't authentic. It's a pain I wish on no one.
"sometimes love just ain't enough"
Carrie
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